Keep holding on, 'cause you know I'm here for you.

I hate cancer. I hate it.

There is nothing worse than losing somebody you love during the holidays.
A time when everyone is so happy,
But all you can do is cry
And hurt.

This isn't fair.

I hate this.

She might not make it til Christmas.

I hate cancer.

It's the most wonderful time of the year !

WARNING: ADVENT VIRUS

Be on the alert for symptoms of inner Hope, Peace, Joy and Love. The hearts of a great many have already been exposed to this virus and it is possible that people everywhere could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.

Some signs and symptoms of The Advent Virus:

• A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences.
• An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
• A loss of interest in judging other people.
• A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
• A loss of interest in conflict.
• A loss of the ability to worry. (This is a very serious symptom.)
• Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
• Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.
• Frequent attacks of smiling.
• An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
• An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.

Please send this warning out to all your friends. This virus can and has affected many systems. Some systems have been completely cleaned out because of it.

I have died every day waiting for you; darling don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years.

I'll love you for a thousand more...

This job is just getting worse...and it's really not worth the stress and the attitude you get for trying to do your job. I wish I had the guts to just quit.
Tomorrow is the last day of the week, thank God. The boozing will begin as soon as I get home.
It's too bad you judged her. She would've been there for you, just like every time before.
Ziplining is going to be so fun :D zipping through the woods, barely suspended, going very fast, could die any second, what a thrill. :D
Goodnight ! I hope everybody has a lovely Thanksgiving, and that you're all thankful for what you have, and not wishing you had more.

Me: You look like a peach today.
Him: 'Cause I'm sweet and good for you? ;)
Me: Uh...well yes, but I was referring to your fuzzy face and peach-colored polo.

How ignorant can a person be? Oops, shouldn't have asked.

bless·ing

   [bles-ing]

noun

1.

A favor or gift bestowed by God, thereby bringing happiness.

heav·en

   [hev-uhn]

noun

1.

the abode of God, the angels, and the spirits of the righteous after death; the place or state of existence of the blessed after the mortal life.

love

[luhv]
noun.
1. God.

If you are a self-proclaimed Atheist, you don't believe in these things, right?
So don't bother telling someone 'Bless you' after they sneeze ('cause you don't believe in blessing), don't bother reassuring people "I'm sorry about your loss, she/he's up there looking down on you with love," ('cause if there's no God, there's no Heaven, therefore no afterlife. You just die. Bye bye.) and mostly don't say "I love you," because you know NOTHING about love if you don't acknowledge the existence of the one who created Love (It sure wasn't Buddha honey.), and then in the same breathe, bash the existence of any sort of God.

Who spiked the eggnog?!

I made a potato and bacon soup tonight. It's so delicious!
Momma made fish chowder. Ew.

Mom and I drank two bottles of wine :D

He's gonna find out if you're naughty or nice!

And it's Dominick the Christmas donkey!

AND I WANNA HAVE CHRISTMAS DOWN IN AAAAFRICAAA. not really. I like beign heree.

Shit man I love the holiday season.

Three day work week, Thurs - Sunday off. Alex is getting here Tues.
Mom bought a large bottle of southern comfort and four bottles of wine. I have two bottles of wine. Alex is bringing large quantities of beer.
I feel like...it's gonna be constant boozing Wed. night to Sunday night.
me hasnt drank this much in months yo.

<3 <3 <3 c c :D
GOD BLESS YALLLLLLLLLL (even if you don't beleive in him)

And all too soon, all this will end, and where will we be?

He thinks I'm perfect.
As much as the compliment made me blush, I wish he believed me when I told him I'm really not.
Just because I'm extremely talented with finding things around the office that nobody else can find, it isn't anything special, I just pay attention to details.
Just because I always seem to look fantastic, it's the make up :P you should see me when I'm at home. Different story.
And you think I'm so nice, that I couldn't ever hurt anybody or raise my voice. You have much to learn.

...but I also think the same of him, and I'm sure he doesn't consider himself perfect.

So maybe, sometimes you should just sit back and enjoy being complimented and not always think negatively about it?

My faaavorite time of year.

Food season has officially begun, hooray!

Staff meeting tomorrow, its a thanksgiving potluck :D i'm bringing a super delicious mess of stuffing and chicken and gravy. So much food will be there, we can just sit and eat and eat and not work, and I can oogle away.

I wish I was more naturally prone to giving compliments. I do notice if you look nice today, or if you look especially handsome in that color shirt, I just don't feel I need to voice my opinion because it doesn't especially matter...and yet you still find a way to tell me how great I look and it doesn't come out weird...share the secrets bud.
Oh, and sorry about almost taking out your eye with that tissue box...it was meant for Kt.

Craaashing, it's sleepytime. :)

Oh, and lil' Theo is just getting cuter by the day, it's a bit ridiculous.

P.L.

I didn't expect you'd be the one picking up the phone
I just wanted to ask when my friend would be out
But I heard the break in your voice when I said it was me...

And I don't think a million apologies would fix this
And I don't expect an ounce of forgiveness

None of this was planned
And I think you realize that better than me.
And I was so focused on myself
And getting out and being free

I never saw how much you loved me.

Remember that night, where I walked to see you
And we drank jager in your your living room
You did everything right
You made me feel like a princess

And when I left in the morning
You asked for one last kiss
But I walked away...

I never saw how much you loved me.

But when I saw you months later
You told me how beautiful I looked
And for the first time...

I saw how much you loved me.

But you deserve somebody better
Even though I'm 'the girl of your dreams.'
Just let me go, let me walk
You'll never even have to hear me talk
Again.

I want to wake up where you are, I won't say anything at all...so why don't you slide?

Momma made a big dinner. Now I'm ready to hibernate.

The pizza place has been on my mind alot lately...not sure why, but I'm missing it more and more. They were my adopted family, they took care of me when no one else would. There were so many times where I just felt sad and depressed and had no where to go, so I went there and got hugged and given food. But now I'm home with my real family...but it's still not the same.

This new(ish) job is great, I'm really lucky to have been given this chance. Almost everybody in the company has a college degree and are 30+, and this is going to look fantastic on a resume. Working for the government and state gets frustrating...I just can't wait for the heating season to end. It's hard to help people in need when your President doesn't think they need to stay warm this winter and therefore cuts your funding...

It's a three day weekend! It felt great to sit at home today and relax...got Vinny back from the shop, hopefully he'll be running better now.
Going out with C tomorrow :) ridiculously excited. He's such a fantastical person.

I would've killed for this attention from you back then.

Remember back when I loved you? When we were best friends, and we were going to take over the world together? We were unstoppable.
And then you decided that it wasn't worth it, and you left me. You broke apart everything, all those 'unbreakable' bonds suddenly meant nothing.

It was weeks before I could accept it.
It was months before I could believe we were really over.
It took a year to talk about it.
It took two years before I could think about you without my heart hurting.

Oh, the pains of first love.

And now, years later, you're practically begging for me to love you. You'd do anything to be with me, to hold me, to kiss me. You would leave your girlfriend to be with me.
And I find you to be the most obnoxious kid I've ever had the misfortune to know. You bug me like mad, and sometimes I really wish you'd just go away. You were much more likeable back when I was fifteen.
You make me laugh. Go back to your girlfriend who loves you, and stop fantasizing about something that will NEVER happen. You killed all emotion I ever had for you.

"Wait,
I know your heart's been shattered.
But there's someone worth the wait.
There's so much more that matters
And I know you will be alright,
Just try to love the little things in life
Like running in the rain."

Lying here with a sleeping infant on my chest should make me feel happy, but right now it doesn't. It's been hard to smile this week...not sure why, I seem to be stuck in a low spot. The nightmares just need to stop being so awful I think, it's hard to wake up and go on with your day pretending you feel fine when all you can think about is bad memories.
I'm in my run-away state of mind.

I had a good/bad dream last night, a dream about this past spring and summer and all the friends I was hanging around with. Made me miss the good times we had! :) and yes, I mean all of you.

Might go down and make pizzas this weekend...but I don't know if that'll make me any happier in the long run.

Cheer up buttercup.

I'm captivated by you baby, like a fireworks show.

I'm somewhere floating above the earth, blissfully unaware.
Legit.
Here is the story:

I sat with him for lunch today. A bunch of other folks around the office were going to go out for a few drinks after work, and they had invited us (changed location just for me 'cause I'm not 21). And I said I doubted I'd go, had things to do, and he said the same, had stuff to do. So okay.

Then we were all leaving, and Kt begged me. So I said fine I'd go for a bit. And as I was about to walk out the door, C calls to me and says "Are you going?" and I said "Yeah, for a little!" And he said "Okay wait for me by the cars, I'll go!" And so I asked "Well we're just gonna head over, what's your number?" and he gives me his number *squeak*.

So we get there, and I didn't get to sit near him, but that's fine. And half-way through he asked if Andrew would switch so I could sit near him, but I told him to stop, I was happy where I was.
And I get up to leave, and he got up at the same time, funny...we had to leave at the same time...odd. But he got busy talking so I just left. I texted him later to apologize and if he would go on a date with me later this week. And he said yes :)

Sooo. Am I happy? Happy isn't a...big enough word.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

k bye.

Two scared little runaways, hold fast to the break of day.

"We are crooked souls trying to stay up straight
Dry eyes in the pouring rain
And the shadows prove the sunshine."

And here starts the winter. I doubt the fear will ever really leave me, but I know that I would rather be here with my family than anywhere else, so I can't leave. The panic is getting better, if I don't think about it. But every time a stupid over-confident driver speeds by me on the interstate in the icy morning, it makes my stomach turn and I feel sick. To all my friends that read this, please...just slow down this winter, always drive carefully...no one should have to go through what I did almost 23 months ago. It's not worth the risk.

Daddy's doing all the driving, that should make it easier too.

It makes me cry happy tears to know that I'll be home for the holidays finally. No driving 5 hours in blizzards to get home on Christmas Eve. No arriving just in time for Thanksgiving dinner. No having my stocking delivered to me in a box on St. Nicholas's feast day. So happy :)

Mandie is coming up to visit this weekend, :) and the weekend after I'm going to spend it with Alex and Lily and go skiing and play around in the fancy resort they live in! I can't wait!

:) C.