&& I want you to know, you're far from the usual(:

Well everyone is here :) Life is amazing. Just played some awesome rounds of Catchphrase. Bummed that I have to go to sleep at a decent hour and go to work tomorrow, but oh well. Super awesome contra dance tomorrow!!! Lol my family is pretty freakin' awesome.
I get to learn how to handle clients tomorrow, I'm pretty stoked. I'll be so much more important and helpful. Chillin' with my old lady Eleanor, she's gonna show me how it's done!

Oh, so that second blog I started, it's the blog of a fictional teenager that I thought up one day. Go ahead and read about her ridiculous life, she's really likeable.

So...Awkward is offically the best T.V. show around, besides the X-Files. SO.ADDICTED. Check it out, if you don't know what it is.

Sleeptime, party time, YEAAAH.
PEACE.

But, girl, you’ll remember what your knees are for.

Today was such a beautiful day! Too bad I was stuck in an office for most of it, but Daddy and I had a nice cruise home together :) he's probably just about the best Dad in the world.
I made cookies last night, they didn't come out as good as I wanted, so I didn't bring them into work. Some kid wrapped a knife in a towel and left it on the washing machine, and so when I went to move said towel, the knife fell out and stabbed my foot. Not so yummy. Just another day in the life!

I wish I didn't aim so high with my goals, takes a longer time to get them, they're so much further away. But I can't settle for anything less. There is so much to accomplish in life. And I deserve the best. Do what you gotta to go where you wanna. Just don't ever think it's going to be easy. I know that no matter where I go, I've got Someone lookin' out for me, catching me before I fall, holding me when I'm crying, and loving me without limitations.


"Dear Mom and Dad,
I’ll send money. I’m so rich that it ain’t funny.
It oughtta be more than enough to get you through.
Please don’t worry 'cause I’m all right,
I’m stayin’ here at the Ritz tonight
Whaddya know, we made our dreams come true.
And there are fancy cars and diamond rings,
But you know that they don't mean a thing.
They all add up to nothin' compared to you.
Well, remember me in ribbons an' curls.
I still love you more than anything in the world...
Love, your baby girl."

As long as we are apart together, we shall perfectly be fine.

"If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart.. I’ll always be with you."
-Christopher Robin.

It's a Pooh Bear night with Natey, funny how the movie is set during the first day of Autumn. There's really nothing as exciting as checking your bank account and having 300 dollars more than you had planned. Man I love direct deposit!
So to celebrate, I bought Chinese food for the family tonight :)

"It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?"

Lizzy's making me some tea, I'm so tired that I need some caffeine to stay awake...it's kind of sad to be crashing by 8:45 on a Friday night.

"Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."

Had a rocky start to the day...Dad decided to be a crankypants and take off without me this morning...very considerate of course. So I had gotten up extra early, to just be left behind. So I had to take good ol' Vincent, which was fine, he and I had some good owner-vehicle bonding time. Bad start to my morning though...but I forgave him by the time I got out of work and took him out for some coffee and danishes.

"They're funny things, Accidents. You never have them till you're having them."

I just found out that Lee, Mandie, and Keith will be coming up to visit next week, holy-super-duper-freaking-excited! And there's a super fantastic contra dance next Friday as well! And Alex is going to be making a visit sometime soon as well!

""Well," said Pooh, "what I like best -- " and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called."

Okay, tea and Pooh Bear and brownies, definitely the way I'd like to spend every single night of my life.

"I'm out here in the dark
All along and wide awake
Come and find me.
I'm empty and I'm cold
And my heart's about to break
Come and find me.
I've hung a wish on every star,
It hasn't done much good so far.
I don't know what else to do
Except to try and dream of you...
And I wonder...if you're dreaming too
Wherever you are.'
-Pooh Bear

It's Friiiday, Friiiday, gotta get down on Friiiday!

End of the work week! End of waking up at 6AM! Loveee it.

No one can be held responsible for your actions except you, it's true. As much as you want to blame someone else, there's no justification.
But I don't care; I will stand by you regardless, even if you think you're a monster. You need to get away, away from all the same bullshit, for your own sake...hold on, don't give in :/

And the sickness is gone, finally, those three days were like Hell. Commonground Fair is this weekend, it's Maine's biggest Fall excitement spot. Some of my NH friends are coming up :) then starting the whole slew of religious ed on Sunday :D CANNOT WAIT!
It's a good thing I don't want to do anything but work and sleep.

I got the usual every-couple-month poke today...he likes to check in on me to make sure I'm still breathing...thanks? We can't be civil friends of course, but he just like to keep tabs. Sweet. After the smile comes the sting of another year gone by.

Goodnight all <3 bring on another great weekend of family, woodstacking, fairs, food, coffee, and sunshine.

"I'm not calling for a second chance;
I'm screaming at the top of my voice.
"Give me reason, but don't give me choice.,
'cause I'll just make the same mistake again..."
And maybe someday we will meet
And maybe talk
And not just speak....
Don't buy the promises
'cause there are no promises that I keep.
And my reflection troubles me,
so here I go."
-James Blunt

"Mom, come in here, I need to draw up my will, just in case."

Because I have this delinquent brother who lacks ANY kind of immune system, so he catches every little illness available to mankind, and brings it inside the castle walls, and GIVES IT TO US.
So today was difficult. The peak of the cold hit me while I was at work, and surprise, we had a staff meeting from 12-4! So I got to sit in a room with fifty odd strangers, and I couldn't stop sniffling.
If this doesn't improve by the morning, I'm going to call out. I don't want to get the other people in the office ill, and this is especially contagious...hitting all over the state. It's that awful, shivery, shuddery, can't get warm, can't cool down, sore throat, runny nose, kind of fever.

So I had to use my cellphone to call the house phone in the kitchen to get any kind of attention; jeez. ;)

Mmm. Sleep.

Everyone becomes who they really are when they are dancing.

It's true. When you dance, you just let yourself go, and let your body respond to the rhythms you hear. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they dance, awkward to chill. Every type of sound has a different effect on each person, especially music. I went out contra dancing tonight, and it was interesting to watch how all these different people responded to the lively fiddle tunes. Some nodded their heads, others tapped their feet, some broke out into full Irish step-dancing, and others did handstands and jumps. Dance is so natural, so necessary for the health of our bodies and souls. Expression through music is a beautiful thing.

(yeah, today was awesome. survived my first week, fantastic. got dinner and dessert with my daddio, and went dancing with the aunt and cousins and sister =] spending the whole weekend stacking wood for the winter!)

"I'm on a flight tonight
You see me waving at you
You're painting flowers on the ceiling
But you're looking through the leaves
And the cloudy sky to me
I'm carrying our dreams across the sky
To another city where the future lies
For you and I to be, in perfect harmony
I can almost hear that song behind your eyes
And I'll fall asleep to that distant lullaby."
-Sherwood

Help us to make gestures of grace, not of hate. -morning prayer

It's really hard to wake up when it's cloudy and rainy. All I want to do is go back to sleep. And it seems extra cold...

Daddy gave me his ID so I could get a coffee...(coffee meaning whatever else I want too, bwahaha.)

The job is going really well, it's all becoming more familiar. Our company instructs us to take a stretch break at 10AM and 2PM, as to avoid any 'office related injuries'. Our office takes advantage of it, we go crazy. We're a fun crew.

I'm taking my car tomorrow so I get to leave like an hour later than I'd have to with Dad, always good. He's taking me out for chinese once we get out, then I'm meeting my Aunt and cousins and sister in town to go contra dancing!

We got our six cord of wood yesterday...guess what we get to do all weekend? Stack it, ugh.
And the wood stove is now installed in the living room, we have yet to test it out and see how it works.

Alright, I'm gonna go buy some things and head over to the office!
PEACE.

And it begins.

I'm sitting at St. J's cafeteria, I begin my new job in about forty-five minutes. It's right down the road, Dad and I commute to work together to save gas (means I have to go an hour early, no big deal, gives me time to wake up and eat breakfast.) So I'm finally working a full-time regular hour office job; 8:00:4:30 Monday-Friday, it's a big change. I got myself a whole new wardrobe of business casual clothes, so I'm rocking some black slacks, heels, and a pink argyle sweater (SUPER attractive, actually.) I'm not really nervous, just wondering how I'm going to handle typing in data for like eight hours. And there's Daddio, checking up on me, he's funny.

Just realized I'm not really sure how to get out of here...

Anyway. I had a fun visit down to Keene this past weekend, for the most part. Didn't get to see everyone that I wanted to, but I'm really done with Keene. I don't want to go back for a long time, I'm done with that chaotic lifestyle for a while.

Time to go!

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture and save it from the funny tricks of time.

The best thing about being at home again? I'm never lonely. It's such a comfort, knowing that there'll always be somebody close by to talk to or hug. And if I want quiet time, it's easy to find in the forest, or in Vincent. And Joey gives the best little-boy hugs and kisses in the universe.

I babysat the kids today, as usual, and I played the Mamma Mia! soundtrack while I was baking cream-filled cupcakes, and Marie, Lizzy, and Joey decided to have a dance party in the kitchen, beginning with Joey asking "Will you dance with me Wizzy, PLEASE?" It was such a precious moment.
We spent a while going over possible baby names tonight, not even close to a decision yet. Eric, Walter, Eleanor, Winifred, Thomas, Ana Therese, Francis, Isabel, just to name a few!

It's strange, but I don't feel like I've been living lately, as if I've taken a break from my life, gone into a side room off the main hall, taken a time-out. It's like hanging in limbo, not sure if you're going to go up or down, left or right. After being on my own for a few years, coming back home to a place I don't know, to be living somewhere solid instead of moving around every few months...it takes some getting used to.
I just get the feeling that I won't be happy in any one place...but I'm with the people I want to be with; my family is top on my list. And that's enough to keep me here. Having the new baby in a few weeks will make things more exciting, I'll feel more useful, feel like I'm here for a reason.

Signin' Out,
Lyssie Jean.

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell.

September 2010.
~~~
Have you ever thought back to your lowest point in life? How does it make you feel? Sad? Maybe angry? Frustrated? I think all of those sums it up for me. I remember my lowest, and most desperate, point so vividly; it shows up as a nightmare every so often, or I look at the bright red jeans I had on, or whenever I'm lost for words, it all takes me back to that awful moment. My voice had shook as I made promises to him, as I begged for a chance, begged for him.
I remember being stunned into silence, barely breathing, eyes on the ground, as the words spilled from his mouth. None of the right words, none of the words I wanted to hear. And I knew I had to throw in the towel; I had to give up this year-long fight. I couldn't keep wishing for something that wouldn't ever happen.
I remember whispering a single word, and with great effort, I forced myself to move. I walked away from him, and I didn't glance back. I remember how hard the tears were spilling down my cheeks, how my entire body felt numb as I ran back to my car, how I looked at his car parked next to mine and realized how it would never be that way again. I remember lying face-down in the grass of the park, hating myself for ever letting this happen. I remember looking up at the starry night sky, and trying to convince myself he was just a single star in a sky of a million brighter, better stars. Maybe some day I would truely believe that, but it was impossible right then. I had lost my favorite reason to smile, and laugh, and shine.
And then, the moon came out from behind a cloud, and cast its light down upon me, and the whisper in my heart said, "I'm still here." And right then I knew that I would be all right.

The last month.

I'm so sick of the hate, of the anger, the overwhelming urge to cry whenever you guys say something mean. How did everything get so bad? It just goes to show how quickly life moves and how easily things change, people change. How quickly 'we'll be friends forever' goes sour.
I miss all of our good times, our jokes, our adventures. All of it still makes me smile. Just because it all came to an angry end doesn't mean we were always that way, I wish you'd remember that.

But time heals everything, soon this will all be forgotten and none of it will matter any more.
I love you guys, and even though you don't give two shits about me, I just want you to know that, and I can't wait for the day when we can all be together and be happy again.

Too far.

I'm not really sure what you're trying to accomplish by this... Would you like me to lash back out? Stoop to your low level and get my friends to harass you? Give your phone number out to whoever? Lisa was right, you all just need to grow the fuck up and learn to let things go. I would understand this more if I was even living in the same state and you saw me around town, but I'm not. I've moved on, it's high-time you did the same. I know you think this is just so funny, but the police don't, in fact they have very low tolerence for harassment. Just stop, it's simple.

I've never thought your pain was funny, or laughed at you because you were upset.