The seasons are changing once again, Fall is beginning up here. I'm very excited; it's my favorite season...I just don't like the fact that winter follows so close behind. I cannot wait to go apple picking with the kids, and make apple pies and crisps, and celebrate Halloween and make homemade doughnuts, and rake the leaves into piles!

Nate and I made peanut butter fudge a few moments ago (yes, it's 1:40 in the morning...) it was just one of those cravings y'know?
Six weeks til the Mama pops out Nine! :D babies!

We're going to a local fair this weekend, I love county fairs, so that should be really fun!

My mother and I had a long talk about marriage earlier today; I asked her how she managed to put up with the same person for twenty years. Her answer? :"It just becomes part of life, you don't really mind the arguing, and I mean he had a cool car when he was younger."
And I discovered that I wouldn't want to date someone who I was maritally compatible with, because the drama of the dating phase would just mess it all up. (She says it's because I always date losers, ha.) I'm not big on putting up with any kind of bullshit (married life ain't for me then huh?), and it's pretty shocking that men don't believe me when I say that. I'm not lying, I'm dead serious when I tell you I'm not planning on keeping you around. I am more than happy to be flyin' solo.

Anyway...it's sleepy time...
Signin' Out,
Lyssie Jean.

You got a gypsy soul to blame, and you were born for leavin'.

This sure is the nice life! My family is just the best; hands down. Joey and I picked blackberries together the other day, but every time I looked at the basket, it looked emptier...and his little boy face was quite stained with juice.

We got the very first season of Pokemon on Netflix today, it was a really exciting moment to watch the beginning of it all. I haven't seen those first five episodes in...gosh probably six-seven years! (could be exaggerating yes.)

Natey and I made a beautiful cake yesterday, dark chocolate with coffee to add richness, and we frosted it with homemade raspberry buttercream.

A bunch of my friends recently returned home from a pilgrimage to Madrid, Spain, for a world-wide Christian youth event that estimated 1.5 million attendees. A couple years ago I went to the same event, only it was held in Sydney, Australia, and hearing all the stories from Spain brought up all the memories of Aussie, which is something I haven't thought about in a long time.
I remember my mindset back then in 2008. I remember how childish I was, but I am not sure I'm any smarter now. If anything, I feel like I've lost the magic of that time, a magic that I would've killed to never have lost.

I've forgotten the feeling of God whispering into my heart, the feeling of my heart wanting to explode with joy, the feeling that it didn't matter what happened to me, I was always going to be safe in His arms. And some part of me needs that back.

This past year has been a rough one for me and my faith. I let it go, then forgot it ever existed, then wondered when I had lost it and if I could ever get it back. It's difficult, finding your faith as an independent adult as opposed to a carefree teenager.

I guess I'll end this novel now, I could go on for a long time...got a lot on my mind tonight.

Signin' Out,
Lyssie Jean.

For you, T.

I hopelessly, helplessly, wonder why
Everything gotta change around me...

I'd tell it to your face
But you lost your face along the way
And I'd say it on the phone
If I thought you were alone
Why do things have to change?

But you don't need my pictures on your wall
You say you need no one...
And you don't need my secret midnight call
I guess you need no one.
Is anybody waiting at home for you?
Cause it's time that will tell if it's heaven if it's hell or if it's
Anybody waiting at home for you
Cause it's time that will tell this tale...

You're in and out up and down
Wonder if you're lost or found
But I got my hands on you.
Are you strong enough to tow the line?
Are you gonna make me yours
Or do I make you mine?

I'm in and out I'm up and down
Wonder if I'm lost or found
But I need your hands on me now.

But you don't need my pictures on your wall
You say you need no one...
And you don't need my secret midnight call
I guess you need no one.
Is anybody waiting at home for you?
Cause it's time that will tell if it's heaven if it's hell or if it's
Anybody waiting at home for you
Cause it's time that will tell this tale...

I hopelessly, helplessly, wonder why
Everything gotta change.

Hopeless, by Train.

It's still you, and even though our lives have taken very different turns, I hope you'll think of me from time to time. I want to be the girl you think about while you're over there, but maybe that's too much to ask. Just promise you'll take care of yourself and be safe, and come back home to us in one piece. <3

This one's for you and me, living out our dreams.

I am unpacked, thanks to my little sisters; they had a blast going through all my stuff and running around the house in my bras.
I was greeted at the door by the cutest little blonde boy screaming "LYSSA LYSSA LYSSA," and excessive hugs. Then he proceeded to introduce me to everyone in the house...
Mom made me my favorite dinner :) and Natey made me a cake, and Sarah made a coconut creme pie. They know me so well!

Today went better than I thought it would, very few tears! I said a couple goodbyes, went to Lindys one last time, got the best hug from the best waiter, got one last pizza at the restaurant, and headed out to UNH to visit a couple more folks on my way up! Thank you Lindsay and Chris for an excellent coffee date !

I'm really excited for tomorrow, coffee with the parents in the morning, then off to an interview. Then the kids and I will probably go swimming and have a bbq :)

Hannah Mansson. I like you.
(like alot. like i like you like...idk. just like yknow?)
And Lisa. I like you alot too.

And so begins this, a new beginning, a new life.

Three posts later, you're still talkin' bout me.

So I'm sitting here in the MCG with Lisa, we just went out to a restaurant with the crappiest service I've ever experienced. We had to demand to be served, get out food, and get our check, because our waitress was too busy walking in circles and showing off her new bleached-blonde hair and small butt. It was quite the experience. It's raining outside now, which is okay.

It's the last night at the pizza place tonight! I'm excited, and also nervous. I feel like a whole lot of tears are gonna be fallin' tonight. It's really been an awesome place to work, and though it gets stressful, the people were fantastic. Thank you for paying me to fool around for the past year or so :)

I went to church this morning, last time there as well. It still amazes me, how easily I forget the feeling of knowing God loves me. I told Him how much I don't deserve it, and how easily I forget He exists, and he told me: No matter how far you go or how far down you fall, I'll always be the one to put you right back up and set you back on your feet. I am More, and I am Greater than any human on Earth, don't forget that.

And to this day, that's always what He's done. Even when I'm at my lowest point, He reminds me of how beautiful and lucky I am to be alive. I owe Him everything, my all.

But drenched in vanilla twilight, I'll sit on the front porch all night, waist-deep in thought because when I think of you, I don't feel so alone. P.S. <3

Signin' Out,
Lyssie Jean.

A vague recap of the past two years.

So I'm going to try and remember all the chaos that has been my LIFE since I moved back to the Granite State, in no particular order:

A.LOT.OF.COFFEE.
And pizza.
Two years.
Two relationships.
One car accident.
Colonel Vincent Pickering
Four moves.
Three jobs.
One heart break.
Contra dances.
A couple hundred sleepovers.
A lot of tears.
A lot of smiles.
A lot of laughs.
P.A.S. always.
Two hospital visits.
Saved a life.
Discovered a passion for sunshine.
And for camping.
And for 'Ryan'.
Met a couple hundred new people.
Learned two new trades.
Discovered that I really don't have to rely on other people to be happy.

Quotes:
"He was organizing my cookies for me...ohh wow, I'm done talking. SO AWKWARD."

"I could get neon yellow skinny jeans!" "Yeah, and put 'wide load' on the butt." "HEY!'

"I'm not in a position to treat you like you deserve; I'm a horrible person. But we can be friends right?" Ha.

"What do goats drink?" "GHOSTMILK!" "Wait...I said goats..."

"There is kittyjuice ALL OVER MY LEG."

"...and can we get some extra buffalo sauce with that?"

"So I'm well aware you're a hundred miles away...but I'M LOST."

"HIS HEAD. JUST. EXPLODED."

"I am the MANTRACKER."

"Take a chance!"

"Why d'ya gotta be so damn cute?" "I don't know...just comes naturally, kinda like my AWESOMENESS."

"Hey you. Are you gay? Because your shorts are too small and they show off your package."

"-sniff sniff- PACKAGE BOY."

"The ground is too close to the floor!"

"Quick quick, GO IN THERE!" "But what do I do!?" "TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF!"

"-says something in Greek-" "What did he say? Was it nice?" "Oh, he said goodnight, yes its nice." "Ah, that's why we didn't understand it."

& there are soo many more.


And the best part?
ZERO regrets. I love my life !

I wish nothing but the best for you.

This life thing? It’s never easy, in fact it’s down-right hard to deal with, but what other choice do we have? A really good friend told me once:

"You have to find the strength to stay together, even if you go break down in the bathroom, you’ll have to pull yourself back together afterwards. No one gets dealt an easy hand at life, you can only play with what you are given. Most people spend their lives bluffing their way through the game, through life, the only thing you have to think about is if you’re going to fold. And if you fold, you’re better off going to play a different game. "

As long as you know the truth about yourself, then you’ll go far. If you believe the hateful things that other people say about you, you’ll get dragged in and fall into the same demented fantasy world of lies that they live in. I let it get to me once, and all that I got out of it was a headache and some bruised knuckles.

Things between us did not end well, it’s true, but that doesn’t mean the whole thing was a lie or that we weren’t happy at one point. But if that’s what helps you get over the situation, believing that I’m some psychotic head-case, then shoot for the moon kid. I feel sorry for you. I have no anger or bitterness towards you, nor do I regret the time we had together. I hate to say it; but I told you so.

The days are flying by, and every day that passes brings me closer and closer to my new future. I figure that after everything I have gone through in my last two years flying solo in Keene, nothing that Maine can throw at me will be anywhere close to as difficult.

Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.

People sometimes complain that life moves too slow. Children wish they were older, they wish time would fly by faster. Teenagers wish they were adults, they can't wait to get out of highschool.
And then there are those who just wish time would slow the hell down. Because with time comes change, and with change comes mixed emotions and anxiety. You can sit in your room and complain about how you wish it would stop, but it won't change anything. You'll just be wasting the limited time you have. So go, do things, create memories, make good use of the time you have before it's too late.

I know that time won't slow down for me, so I'm going to run alongside it and keep up as well as I can.
It's time to make a difference. It's time to step out of my comfort zone and take life by the reins and go. The opportunities are endless, and I have so much potential. As hard as it's going to be, I just gotta keep going, because what doesn't break you makes you stronger. And for all those I'm leaving behind, don't be upset, I'm not forgetting you and never will. It's not like I'm moving to Mars. :P
If I stayed here solely because I was comfortable and safe, it would be a regret.

I have no regrets in life, only have mistakes and lessons learned.