I'm gonna get to you, you're gonna give in to me.

Nothing ever calms down. The second I'm settled and happy, life throws curveballs left and right and suddenly everything changes. I want to go adventure away, but now I have this man here that makes me feel unbelievable. The way he kisses me just takes my breath away, and there's nothing more beautiful that someone who loves being seen with you, loves kissing you back, isn't worried about what someone else will think. He makes me very happy, I hope its mutual. I think it is :)

This is the hand we've been dealt.

If I could write a letter to anyone from that winter of my life:
Would you believe it? After all these years, I fell in love with him. Everyone saw it, you know how happy we were, and I got scared and I ran from it. But it followed me regardless and now I'm helpless. I'm infatuated and incapable of dropping it like a rock in a lake. I crave him, constantly. I build myself up and through no real fault of his own, I am let down repeatedly. I'm fighting for something that doesn't actually exist, a relationship with 180 miles and different lifestyles tearing it apart.
What makes me think that this battle is worth fighting for? When I was last with him, I couldn't wait to get there, and then I couldn't wait to leave. As soon as I was with him, I didn't want him to touch me. But mere hours after I left, I missed his arms and his lips.
And now I wish I was falling asleep in his arms and not by myself on a couch.
Am I fickle, is this all my fault? How do I shut it off?

The Road goes ever on and on...

I've finally acquired my own apartment, and I'm very happy with it. My own space, my own everything! And it isn't small, its a good sized one bedroom apartment and my landlady is very generous and agreeable with the rent.
I also recently got a good raise and promotion at my fantastic job. Hard work and dedication does pay off! But they're my family, and its hardly ever unpleasant to be there. I do what I want, when I want.
I'm on the verge of my summer vacation ! Leaving tomorrow night after I get out of the restaurant, spending a week in Maine with my family. I bought tickets to see Lady Antebellum, Billy Currington, and Joe Nicholls with my dad and two siblings, and I'm wicked pumped for it! I've been a concert junkie this summer, I saw Skrillex, Goo Goo Dolls, DJ Snake, Plain White Ts, and Daughtry.
As good as everything is, I still feel off. Like I'm missing something in my life, and I'm not sure what it could be.

I have moments of loneliness, of sadness and weakness.
I have more moments of joy, relief, and beauty.

Overall things are good, and I like being in control of my life.

I wonder what might happen if I left this all behind...

So the rumor has it that life gets easier, that some things hurt real bad for a while, but it gets better. But the process you go through to reach that place? You simply become numb.

You learn to block feelings and dreams, you let go of how you want something to be and pretend it never was. You shut down the parts of you that ache, and you carry on as a partial ghost.

Until something or someone sparks and makes you feel alive again.