I'm gonna get to you, you're gonna give in to me.

Nothing ever calms down. The second I'm settled and happy, life throws curveballs left and right and suddenly everything changes. I want to go adventure away, but now I have this man here that makes me feel unbelievable. The way he kisses me just takes my breath away, and there's nothing more beautiful that someone who loves being seen with you, loves kissing you back, isn't worried about what someone else will think. He makes me very happy, I hope its mutual. I think it is :)

This is the hand we've been dealt.

If I could write a letter to anyone from that winter of my life:
Would you believe it? After all these years, I fell in love with him. Everyone saw it, you know how happy we were, and I got scared and I ran from it. But it followed me regardless and now I'm helpless. I'm infatuated and incapable of dropping it like a rock in a lake. I crave him, constantly. I build myself up and through no real fault of his own, I am let down repeatedly. I'm fighting for something that doesn't actually exist, a relationship with 180 miles and different lifestyles tearing it apart.
What makes me think that this battle is worth fighting for? When I was last with him, I couldn't wait to get there, and then I couldn't wait to leave. As soon as I was with him, I didn't want him to touch me. But mere hours after I left, I missed his arms and his lips.
And now I wish I was falling asleep in his arms and not by myself on a couch.
Am I fickle, is this all my fault? How do I shut it off?